epic FAIL*

After seeing them just yesterday, I tried to make these Chocolate Yogurt Snack Cakes at 11pm last night. I was that excited to make them that it seemed reasonable to cook at 11pm.

Tried being the operative word...

I'm not sure exactly what went wrong - i'm thinking it had something to do with expired oil? (who knew vegetable oil expired??? how come no one ever told me this before???)

They look pretty - i wish they tasted that way...

(*edit: ok, they seem to be better - but still not great - the second day... yes, even though i hated them, i brought them to work anyway... I think unexpired oil, cut down by just a little, would be a big improvement... also, the addition of ice cream would help...)

---

Chocolate Yogurt Snack Cakes
courtesy of David Lebovitz’s The Sweet Life in Paris, via Smitten Kitchen, minor changes by me

7 ounces (200 grams) bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
1/2 cup (125 ml) vegetable oil
1/2 cup (125 ml) plain, 2% greek yogurt
1 cup (200 grams) sugar
3 large eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
1 1/2 cups (200 grams) flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt

Preheat the oven to 350°F , line a 12-cup muffin tin with paper cupcake liners

Melt the chocolate with 1/4 cup of the oil, via microwave - first microwaving for 35 seconds, stiring, and then 1x or 2x more for 15 seconds each, stirring inbetween.

In another bowl, mix the remaining 1/4 cup oil with yougurt, sugar, eggs and vanilla and almond extracts.

In a large bowl, whisk the flour, baking powder, and salt. Make a well in the center of the flour mixture and pour in the yogurt mixture. Stir lightly a couple times, then add the melted chocolate and stir until just smooth.

Divide the batter among the muffin cups and bake for 25 minutes or until they feel barely set in the middle and a tester or toothpick comes out clean.

Remove from the oven and cool on a wire rack before serving

even the best vegetarians dream of bacon

if you say you dont, i'll call you a liar...

it smells good. it looks good (except for when there's too much undercooked fat on it - ick!) and the fake stuff doesnt even begin to come close - which is surprising, given that bacos are meat-free...

anyway, given my bad experience with fake-bacon (save for the bacos), i dont have a lot of faith in bacon-flavored stuff... so when the meat-eater (his blog name forever now...) ordered two kinds of bacon salt off of woot not too long ago, i had my doubts...

However, last night I decided to be good and eat some salad for dinner - using some lettuce & cheese from last week's CSA pickup (score! on the not-wasting-food front) - and wanted to add a little healthy protein. So i decided to experiment and make the tofu crispies that i'd seen on nutritionista... however, much like that bacon salt, my expectations were not high...

at the last minute, i thought i'd throw some of the bacon salt on some of the tofu... (because as a result of my laziness, i didnt realize that the tofu should have olive oil & seasoning with it and that just sounded BLAH. oh, and was really fun to clean off of the cookie sheet, as you may expect) what the hell? i expected that i'd be throwing away most of the tofu anyway - so might as well use the bacon salt so that i could tell the meat-eater that i was right and it was gross...

imagine my surprise when not only was bacon salted tofu good, but when the meat-eater and i ended up snacking on, like, half of it, before the salad was even made...

---

Simple Salad with Bacon-Tofu Crispies
courtesy of me w/ Bacon-Tofu Crispies inspiried by nutritionista


Salad:

1/2 head romaine or similar lettuce, washed and torn
1/2 cucumber, sliced
1/3 red pepper, diced
2 oz horseradish cheddar, cut into small squares
1/2 c bacon tofu crispies (below)
2 tbsp balsamic vinaigrette
salt & pepper to taste

Mix all together and serve


Bacon-Tofu Crispies

1 block firm tofu, pressed to remove excess water and cut into pieces the size of dice
olive oil (i forgot that part...)
bacon salt

Preheat oven to 400°
lightly grease cookie sheet with olive oil
spread tofu cubes all over sheet
sprinkle liberally with bacon salt

bake 40 mins at 400, turning once or twice if desired

he said, she said

you know whats really fun? being a pseudo-vegetarian and dating someone who isnt..

of course, i'm one of those weird 'vegetarians' who thinks that boy vegetarians are a bit... well, not for me. i dont know why - i dont subscribe to traditional gender roles, i dont think, but somehow i truly think that there's a whole 'me man, me eat meat' thing that should be going on with a guy... therefore, as antiquated as my otherwise evolved brain may be, while its not always the easiest way to eat, it is pretty much been the standard in my life... and i'm fairly sure the current meat-eater is sticking around for, well, forever, so its going to stay the standard.

there should be some sort of guide as to how to exist in this kind of relationship without it being a case of one person eats meat and a side and the other just eats a big portion of side... (oh, sure, steal my idea...) because really, as the potential sides-only eater? not so appealing to me... so i'm always looking for another way - a way to take a meal and turn one into something that satisfies the meat eater without leaving the vegetarian with something bland...

so, changing topics, CSA started again this week... summer shares began a week earlier than expected due to the abundance of crops ready for harvesting, but, as is usual, the first week was still fairly greens-heavy while being overall light... bok choi, cooking greens, baby turnips, radishes, spring garlic and scallions. all cool, but save for the garlic and scallions (which, due to a mixup were all but gone by the time i arrived for pickup) not things i use all that much... however, i am bound and determined to not let so much go to waste this season (winter was kindof a bust for me) and wanted to get started on my reformed, non-wasting ways right away...

a number of people posted recipes for the greens and all had a similar take. the meat-eater and i discussed those recipies and modified and came up with our own idea of how to cook the greens into something we'd both like and even went so far as to figure out how to make one meat-eater-friendly while maintaing the fact that the vegetarian version was not lacking. I hope you'll find one or both versions to work for you.

---

Garlic Greens & Pasta
recipe courtesy of me & the meat-eater

3/4 lb pasta, any kind
1/2 lb mixed cooking greens, leaves torn into small pieces and stems seperated and chopped into 1-inch segments
4 spring garlics - bulbs and 2 inches of stems - diced
1 scallion - bulb and 2 inches of stem - diced
3 tbsp olive oil
3/4 c vegetable broth
1 16 oz can diced tomatoes
salt & pepper
3 oz asiago cheese, cubed

veg:
2 tbsp hazelnuts, chopped

meat eater:
1 pre-grilled chicken breast, cut up into pieces


Prepare pasta according to directions

meanwhile, heat olive oil in frying pan over med heat

add garlic & scallions and cook ~ 5 minutes, until soft

add greens stems and a splash of the broth and cook until stems have softened a bit

add the remainder of the broth and all of the greens

cover and allow to cook ~ 5 minutes

remove cover, stir greens and check for doneness. If you would like them wiltier, cook longer.

drain excess liquid & add tomatoes

stir ~ 1 minute to heat & combine

add drained pasta to the mixture and stir to combine (& reheat the pasta if it had finished too quickly)

***
seperate into 4 serving bowls

add 1/4 of the asiago to each bowl

add 1/2 of the hazelnuts to the vegetarian bowls (above amount assumes 2)

add 1/2 of the cut up chicken breast to each of the meat-eater bowls (above amount assumes 2)

Happy Birthday to me!

Generally speaking, when its your birthday, someone else brings the cupcakes... however, when you are the one with the food blog (however defunct it may be) it just makes more sense that you'd do it yourself...

The boy had gotten guiness cupcakes on his birthday because I decided that if i was going to bring cupcakes to a boy-birthday, that they had to be 'manly' cupcakes...

but for my birthday? no need to be manly. or overly-flavor complex as we'd be paring them with limey-corona goodness... but I stuck with the 'match the cupcakes to the personality' thing and went with the side of me that thinks that birkenstocks are appropriate footwear almost anywhere you go...

---

Hippy Dippy Tie-Dye Cupcakes
cake courtesy of Magnolia Bakery with modifications by me, rainbow effect courtesy of the internet

1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 3/4 cups sugar
4 large eggs, at room temperature
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 tsp baking powder
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla

food coloring gel

1 container cream cheese frosting
sprinkles


Preheat oven to 350°

Line cupcake tray with cupcake liners

Cream butter and sugar (with electric mixer) until light and fluffy

add eggs to the sugar/butter mixture one egg at a time, beating after each

in a seperate bowl, combine flour and baking powder and whisk to ensure that its all combined

in another bowl, combine milk & vanilla

in small batches, add flour mixture and milk mixture (alternate) and continue to beat the entire time

divide into 6 small batches.

add food coloring to each of the small batches to achieve desired colors

spoon a small amount of each color into each cupcake

repeat with each color until cupcakes are about 3/4 full

bake for ~ 20 minutes, checking after 18 for done-ness

transfer to cooling rack & allow to cool

frost with cream cheese frosting & sprinkle liberally with sprinkles

the simple life

once upon a time i found making pasta to be significant. because it meant boiling actual water (no pasta-prontas here!) and - omg - heating up sauce... i thought myself a gourmet when i'd add a little ricotta & shredded mozzarella because, i mean, thats like almost baked ziti.

then one day i decided that anything that didnt involve either some level of difficulty, creativity, or odd ingredient found only at fairway was just too basic for me...

that snobbery did not served me well. it caused me to miss out on so many things just because they werent 'different' enough... (sure, it also served me very well in that i ended up eating things i may never have eaten otherwise, but we're focusing on simple here today, ok?????)

today isnt really so much about what i made as it is about that notion of dropping the snobbery at the door. not always going for new-different-wow. instead, sometimes just sticking with the tried-and-true...

---

Rice Krispie Treats, microwave style
courtesy of Kellogg's, i think...

4 tbsp butter

4 c mini marshmallows

6 c rice krispies



Heat butter in microwave safe bowl for ~ 45 seconds or until melted

stir in mini-marshmallows, coating all with the melted butter

microwave entire mess for 45 seconds, stir and put back in microwave for another 45 seconds

Line a 9x13 pan with waxed paper

When microwave dings, mix rice krispies in with buttery marshmallowy goodness until well combined (*note - could also add a variety of other things now - chocolate chips, peanut butter, whatever... or could make this with a different kind of cereal... go crazy...)

scoop into wax-papered pan

cover with another sheet of waxed paper and press down

Allow to cool (could be in the fridge to speed it up) and then cut into 24 squares


try not to eat them all at once...

because quiche is totally easier than grilled cheese

Last October i spent a considerable amount of time down with the family in Charlotte, NC... one of the days i was there, we headed out to a cute little cafe down in Davidson for lunch... a couple of us ordered sandwiches and two ordered quiche... when lunch seemed to be taking forever, someone remarked that someone 'had to go and order the quiche...' which caused me to comment back - 'quiche is easier than grilled cheese'...

hilarity ensued, as my family in no way believed that quiche was easier than grilled cheese... my take? sure, it may take longer to cook but i honestly believe that, if made using the simple ingredients found in the quiche they had ordered, it was less hands-on time-intensive... their take? "you think everything is easy..."

of course i was HELL BENT on proving them wrong and proving just how easy quiche could be... and i did. sure, we went the easy route - premade pie crust & pre-shredded cheese, but my claim of no more than 10 minutes hands on time proved to be pretty much on target - i think i had it in the oven in 7...

all that said? this isnt that quiche... this is typical 'me' food - meaning i take what starts off as an easy dinner and complicate it slightly... but i still maintain that quiche is easy to make - and hard to mess up...

I invented this combination last night due to the fact that, as a result of an insane schedule, the boyfriend (soon to be guest blogger) has been cooking for me nearly every single night and i really wanted to cook something good for him for once... but needed it to be fairly quick as that insane schedule will be raging on for at least another few weeks...

given that i had no idea what i was really putting together, i was pleasantly surprised by the results... and glad that i have this blog as a place to record the process as otherwise i never would be able to replicate it again...

---

Confetti Quiche
Courtesy of me

1 par baked pie crust (~10 mins on 350° should suffice)
2 c shredded emmenthaler, divided

2 tbsp butter
2 shallots, diced

3 c loosely packed baby spinach

1 tbsp flour
2 plum tomatoes, insides removed and diced
1 small can no-salt corn (drained)

4 eggs
1 c half & half

salt, pepper, nutmeg

***

Preheat oven to 350°

Line pie crust with 1 c of the shredded emmenthaler and set aside

over medium heat, saute shallots in butter for about 4 minutes
add spinach and continue cooking until wilted.
turn off heat and stir in flour, tomatoes & corn

Spread mixture onto the emmentaler-lined pie crust. Sprinkle with nutmeg, if desired

In a separate bowl, mix eggs and half & half with a couple dashes of salt & pepper
Pour egg mixture into the pie crust (over the vegetable mixture)
top with remaining emmenthaler
top that with a couple dashes of salt, pepper and nutmeg, if desired

Bake at 350° for ~35 minutes
Allow to sit for 5 minutes and then serve

while i continue to slack

i'll suggest that you visit sweetfoods and peruse the 70 food blogs that deserve your attention...

i'd like to be able to mass-add them all to my google homepage...

redemption

aw, that martha - she always comes through, doesnt she?

i know i skipped over a whole lot of stuff - thanksgiving being a big one - but its more important that i present you with martha's redemption...

see, i host christmas (ok, this was probably the last time i'll be hosting christmas, but whatever) and last year, i think my parents liked breakfast more than anything else... so i felt pressure to outdo myself this year...

i get these daily emails from martha - lots of them actually - but one really caught my eye and instantly, i knew what we'd be having for breakfast on christmas morning...

Thankfully, martha didnt disappoint this time...

---

Baked French Toast with Mixed Berry Sauce
courtesy of Martha Stewart - small changes by me

4 large eggs
3/4 cup 1% milk
3/4 cup light cream
1/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon salt
4 thick slices challah, brioche, or other egg bread (1 inch thick)

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

1 bag (10 to 12 ounces) mixed berries, thawed
1/4 cup sugar



In a 9-by-13-inch baking dish, whisk together eggs, milk, 1/4 cup sugar, vanilla, and salt.

Arrange bread in dish in a single layer; let soak 30 minutes. Turn bread over; cover, and refrigerate overnight.

the next day...
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Brush a rimmed baking sheet with butter.

Carefully transfer soaked bread to sheet.

Bake until French toast is set in center and lightly browned on the bottom, about 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, combine berries and remaining 1/4 cup sugar, mashing lightly with a fork.

Remove french toast from baking sheet and top with berry sauce.

Dear Martha Stewart,

Hi Martha. How's it going?

You know, I've always been a Martha fan. own the cookie book. subscribe to some of the daily emails. even almost went to work for your company (albeit while you were *ahem* away...)

So the other day when yet another martha stewart mac & cheese recipe landed in my inbox, i thought to myself, 'self... you know all that CSA cheese you got? how you thought it was totally neccessary to order 24 oz of cheese at one time? well, self, this recipe will totally use up some of that! 12 oz of that! do it! make it!' and since i always listen to the voices in my head (when they are suggesting that i eat bad-for-me food) i printed out that recipe and headed to the grocery store to pick up a few things i didnt have. namely macaroni and panko... 3 cups of panko. even though that sounded like an awful lot of panko... but martha, you are an empire unto yourself. who am i to question?

so even as i worked - cooking the mac & making the cheese sauce - i just kept thinking - 3 cups? i must be reading that wrong... but no, i'd look at it time and again and sure enough, 3 cups. and then i'd think to myself... well she said 3 c of fresh breadcrumbs... is it possible that panko is THAT MUCH DENSER? and i'm all like, nah. just a different taste...

so anyway, i motored on and put it all together and poured that panko/butter mix over the top. over and over and over. it felt like i was my dog burying my bone in the backyard. or a kid in a sandbox. yeah, kid in a sandbox - lets stick with that one...

but martha, i had faith. faith in you and your copywriters and your commenters... it would be good. it would be fine.

and then i took it out. and lady, you need to hire new editors... because there aint NO WAY IN HELL that there should have been 3 cups of breadcrumbs - fresh, panko or otherwise - on top of that mac & cheese. NO WAY IN HELL.

i scraped off about 2 cups

and honestly, the mac & cheese was still fairly dry.

therefore martha, consider this my PSA... because now when people google 'martha stewart macaroni and cheese recipe correction' they'll end up here. instead of writing you letters telling you that you owe them $2.49 for all that wasted panko...

Sincerely,
Kristen at kitchenhell

---

Macaroni & Cheese
slightly adjusted and corrected courtesy of me with original mistake from Martha Stewart

1 pound elbo macaroni
Coarse sea salt

6 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
4 cups milk
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg

3 cups shredded (12 ounces) sharp white cheddar cheese
1/3 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese

3/4 cup panko



Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Cook pasta in a large pot of boiling salted water 1 to 2 minutes less than package instructions.
Drain, rinse with cool water, and place into baking dish (I used an 8x12. You can use something bigger or make individual portions - cooking times are listed at the end).

Meanwhile, heat 4 tablespoons butter in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat.
Add flour; cook, whisking, 1 minute.
Add milk, cayenne, nutmeg, and 2 teaspoons salt; bring to a simmer.
Cook, whisking, until mixture is thick enough to coat the back of a spoon, 2 to 3 minutes.
Whisk in cheeses until smooth.

Pour over pasta; toss to coat.

Melt remaining 2 tablespoons butter; toss with breadcrumbs.
Sprinkle over pasta.

Cover baking dish with foil. Bake until bubbling, 60 to 70 minutes for large dishes, 40 to 50 minutes for small. (check after 35 mins for individual sized dishes)

Remove foil; continue baking until golden, 5 to 10 minutes more.

well dont i look stupid...

so the whole entire premise of this blog is how i have a craptastic little kitchen and cant do much in here but try anyway.

and then mark bittman comes along and lets you know that size doesnt matter.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/20/mark-bittmans-bad-kitchen/

thanks mark, for ruining my whole angle...

---

Prepping for thanksgiving?

i'll be making pretty much the exact same stuff as last year and highly recommend that you copy my menu because it pretty much kicked ass. (hence the reason its being done again)